353 + 352: meditation and a surprisingly brief practice

353: friday night, date night. ultimately, i missed my window to practice and chose to meditate before bed. the cool thing is that i slept really well. i have a Fitbit Flex now and it's actually kind of cool to monitor when i mediate before sleep and when i don't. last night, i slept 8 hours, 25 minutes. i was up once and restless 3 times. more typically for me is being up at least once and restless between 4-16 times.

352: 20 minutes, yoga journal home practice

today got all out of order. or not really, but it felt rushed somehow. V went to dance. we came home. it was NICE out!!! we played outside. we went for a walk. N wouldn't settle down for a nap. i couldn't decide if i had 20 minutes or the hour i wished for.

ultimately, i went with a 20 minute practice from a magazine i found on the desk. i thought i would make up my own, but couldn't focus. i have found that having a guide when you're just not feeling like being creative can make or break my practice.

today, i felt like i could have practice for an hour, but with 2 kids and a husband intent on running for an hour on the first warm day of the year i made my choices. not the most satisfying practice, but better than no practice today.

360 + 359: my little home practice

360: meditation before bed

photo credit: balanced yoga

yesterday, i was in a foul mood. i had spent the entire day in the car and my cold was hanging on for dear life. i took myself upstairs at 9pm, but rather than just lay down and read, i sat and meditated for a little while. remarkably, i felt much calmer and more settled.

359: my little home practice - 25 minutes

this afternoon, i took my youngest upstairs to nap and figured i'd fit a little practice in while she slept. i wasn't sure how long i would really have since she sang to herself literally the entire time i practiced so i decided to go through a vinyasa series of my favorite poses. i also have a giant knot on one side of my lower back so i wanted to be as aligned as possible through my practice.

1. 3 sun salutations (a)
2. 2 standing forward bends
3. mountain
4. warrior 2, side angle pose (i did the bind!!), reverse warrior and triangle (first on one side, then the other)
5. wide legged forward bend
6. squat with prayer hands
7. pigeon pose
8. some seated poses i don't know the names of
9. tall seat

i feel more balanced and totally glad i didn't wait for my little one to fall asleep before i took advantage of my moment. i will say, i had a harder time focusing on my breath since i had one ear trained on listening for my girl to climb out of the bed.

363: meditation

i didn't necessarily plan to pull the meditation card out of my pocket quite so soon into my 365 days of yoga, but i live in the real world.

i've been battling a cold since friday and finally, last night, M succumbed to the awfulness that is being sick. where my cold stayed mostly in my head, he has the whole business: achy body, totally worn out and a stuffy nose to top it off.

i started my day with every intention of going to the studio tonight for a class with one of my favorite instructors. i took my clothes and mat with me all the way to cleveland and back again in hopes of being able to practice tonight. instead, i picked up N, cooked dinner and managed a double bedtime while M rested on the sofa. (it's not like i haven't spent my fair share of time there, too.)

then, i reached a crossroads. i could practice yoga or i could take a shower. and frankly, taking a shower totally won.

i'm going to finish up my little things around the house and take 20 whole minutes of quiet time to myself before i head up to bed. at this time of night, it seems the most appropriate choice. my intention is to be quiet.

it may not seem like much, but with the whirlwind that is my life sometimes, being quiet is a worthy goal.

quietly,
-s-

a fun/not so fun 5k

yesterday, i walked the step up for stephanie 5k with a team of 8 people. M ran and took 5th place and the rest of our team were colleagues and/or kids who wanted to share the experience. overall it was really fun (with some rough patches).

our team

V convinced me that she wanted to run the whole way. wanting to encourage her excitement and in the spirit of positive thinking, i agreed. she totally had a ball! except she totally pooped out less than a mile into the walk. (at this point, i should note that this is the first 5k that i've ever ever run. ever. primarily to keep up with my child and not lose her in the crowd of thousands.)

when V expressed her absolute need to ride in the stroller, i stepped off to the side fulling intending to pull N into the carrier, strap her onto my back and keep going.

nope.

i ended up with two complete strangers helping me and my co-workers realizing i had stepped off coming back to help. i needed it. we made it about another mile before N's crying made me feel so bad for the other racers that i stopped again to try to put her in the carrier in front of me.

worse.

now she cried, no wailed, like i was pinching her. for the record, i was not. "walk! walk, mommy!"

at this point, one co-worker is pushing another co-worker's stroller, who is is pushing V in our stroller and i am walking a two year old in a 5k race. i am embarrassed at the poor form. at this point, M finds us, relieves us of N and we finish the last mile and a half very pleasantly ultimately finishing in an hour. which, frankly with all the stopping, starting, running, chasing and tears seems like quite a victory.

N rounded out the morning with a visit to a giant cow. sometimes, my life seems a little surreal.

5 day detox: i'm really doing it

for day 3,  my morning started with yoga. i spent 5 hours in the car yesterday driving up to a meeting and back again so stretching felt pretty good. i focused on hip openers and finished with a brief seated meditation. (that didn't last too long as M started making breakfast and packing lunch in the next room.)

i ate leftover cooked oats with berries for breakfast and had a hard boiled egg for snack. another big green salad served as lunch today with arugula, mushrooms and other raw veggies plus brown rice, chic peas and a little oil and vinegar to dress it. i would have preferred lemon, but they didn't have any where we were.

one avocado, a bunch of grapes, an apple and peanut butter and edamame later and here i am writing this evening. i spaced all that out over the afternoon and evening, but i'm pretty hungry at the moment.

i have to say, i'm surprised at how good i feel physically. i read those testimonials about people who eliminate something from their diet and poof! they're cured of whatever ailed them. i tend to be a bit of a skeptic when it comes to pre-set programs and revelations through diet, but i feel really great. and my digestion is excellent. for me, this stands out as a really big deal as my health issues all revolved around digestion.

although, while i'm not usually a person who craves sweets, i could really go for something sweet to munch on. like a pastry. or bread with jam. fruit tastes sweet, but i crave something with more substance. and i did have a moment today when i was ready to quit early and have some french fries.

in the scheme of things, i'm glad i decided to do this.

jumpstart with detox plan

it turns out, quitting smoking and drinking are difficult. so, i'm going to re-start my plan by diving into a 5 day detox program.

now, to be clear, i'm not talking about a formal order-my-product, pay-for-my-plan kind of program. i simply realized that by trying to eliminate habits that occur as part of my normal routine and keeping the same normal routing is not working for me.

starting tomorrow, i'm going to eliminate all smoking, alcohol, caffeine, processed sugars, processed everything from my diet for 5 days. i'm going to add in as much water as i can swallow. (everything i've read suggests 10 glasses per day. i have a big water bottle, so i'm going to shoot for 3 full water bottles.)

i will eat, but only whole foods, grains, fruits and vegetables.

i find that my resolve is excellent when i wake up, but falters as soon as i hit a stressful situation. for example, my littlest one completely fell out at breakfast this morning. i have no idea why. offering her cereal is apparently sob-worthy material.

i'm also going to use chains to track my progress with one chain each for yoga, no smoking, no non-water beverages, eating whole foods.

i am determined to make a change. i just have to find the right switch in my brain.

back to back fitness

for yoga tuesday this week i attended our on-site zumba class with a handful of co-workers. the class lasted a very short 45 minutes. for me, i felt much less awkward than the first time i participated. i don't know if it was because i knew the moves a little better or if i just felt better generally. regardless, my arms felt sore this morning from all that pumping and punching.

from yoga journal

then, this morning, i rolled out of bed with the full intention of a good 30 or 45 minutes of practice, but instead ended up cleaning up cat puke. and then following the cat around the house as she continued to puke in various rooms. awful.

eventually, i managed to find a little cat-puke-free space and practice for about 10 minutes. i started with a couple sun salutations, then moved through warrior 2, side angle pose and triangle on each side. using vinyasa to transition, i ended with pigeon pose, seated forward bend and cobblers pose. i tried to sit quietly at the end of my practice, but i just couldn't let the thoughts move past.

stupid cat.

good/bad

10 minutes - morning stretch

one of the really good/really bad things about quitting smoking is the moments when my sense of smell starts to properly revive. i can smell everything. (wild mint! truck exhaust!)

credit: survival in the wasteland

one of the good/bad things about our new house is the downstairs bedroom which is currently serving as an office, spare bedroom, yoga studio, playroom and cat litter closet.

this morning, M and I both woke up around 5:30am- he to get ready for cross country practice and a pre-work day and me to practice yoga and get ready for work.

good: M cleaned the cat box.

bad: i couldn't even walk in the room, let alone practice because all i could smell was the cat litter. (granted it was clean cat litter, but it still smelled like chemicals.)

good: we have a playroom, now. i can practice in the playroom.

bad: we didn't clean the playroom last night before bed so i had to clear a little circle for myself to settle in.

good/bad: i still practiced, but it wasn't the practice i woke up imagining.

change is hard

my first week of lifestyle shifting is going ok. not great, but ok. i feel like i didn't actually arrange enough time to accomplish all my weekly goals this week, especially as i'm coming off of a (lovely) weekend of travel into a full work-week, an anniversary celebration and a wedding this weekend.

too many special occasions for full-on victory this week. but, i found this image from yoga on high this afternoon and it brightened my outlook a bit.

now, i'm going to re-set my brain and turn my can't into cans and my dreams into a plan for a yoga retreat.*

*i feel like i sound a little chipper and perky on this one, but i've felt a little sad and a little isolated this week since most of my social habits are linked up with stuff that's not so healthful. pulling away from conversation and friends to not be around the stuff i don't want to do is a bummer.

building up to a lifestyle change

for the past couple of weeks, i've been mulling over shifting my lifestyle in a fairly big way. to be frank, i'm smoking, i drink wine (often) and since my vacation earlier this month, my yoga practice has slipped to nearly non-existent. not so good.

i need a motivator. my husband asked me if my health and his happiness would be enough, but i just don't think it is. the last times i quit smoking and stopped drinking i was either pregnant or in the hospital. neither of which i plan to experience again in the near future.

i'm trying to figure out something i want that i wouldn't normally get for myself- a girlfriend suggested an awesome handbag or a new pair of shoes, but those don't seem quite far enough out of reach. i'm leaning toward a yoga retreat in november.

now, all i have to do is set my goals, stick to them and earn my reward.

other suggestions for external motivators?

bind

60 minutes - on site fitness

we had on site fitness last night with not my favorite instructor, but the practice was nice. it was only me and one other co-worker. as we neared the end of our practice, i managed to get into a full bind in a seated twist. and just as i settled into the bind on the other side, a police officer walked into the room.

"is this 1399?" he asked. what?

he asked again. then he asked, "are you burglars? we got a burglary alarm."

let me paint a picture for you: 3 people sitting in a fairly dim conference room on yoga mats with peaceful music playing in the background. if we were really burglars, we were the worst ones ever. who breaks into a conference room to practice yoga?

in reality, someone had forgotten we were there and set the alarm on us which is set off by motion. i hopped up, disarmed the alarm and got a false alarm ticket.

the instructor wanted to repeat our previous pose to get us back into the rhythm, but we had done fish pose right before that and i really didn't want to do that one again, so we did something else to refocus our breath and finish up.

seriously distracting.

nice and easy

25 minutes - whatever i want

this morning, i thought i would do the 12 asana practice my friend recommended to me, but i kept getting dizzy in downward dog. so, i scrapped that and did a nice little series of standing poses, a balancing pose and some seated forward bends. i added a little twist to round out my practice then tried to finish up in hero pose again.

except i couldn't quiet my mind. the cat tried to use my mat as a scratching post. i worried about the baby waking up. i thought about the back to back interviews i have scheduled this afternoon. ugh.

i gave up and started my day. oh well.

car yoga

a recipe

all one needs to practice yoga in the car is two young children in the back seat and a long drive ahead. for me, this is how the practice unfolded.

we started out listening to music, but soon snacks were in order. i passed a snack back to daughter number 1, then twisted myself into a pretzel to pass a snack back to daughter number 2. and the magnadoodle, and the books and the everything a young person could possibly want during a long car drive.

i used my flexibility and strength to really make it happen. happy car travels to you!

yoga with a friend

60 minutes - vinyasa 1

i met a girlfriend at the yoga studio tonight for an evening class. it was geared toward level 1 and i'm glad she chose this one because the last time she practiced was during pre-natal yoga. we were pregnant at the same time and our little ones share a birthday. they are 20 months old now.

it felt kind of strange to practice next to someone i knew. i felt like i had to pay attention to her and we kept lining up so that our arms would crash into each other as opposed to staggering on our mats. and i felt like i had to really do great at everything since i've been practicing more recently. in my brain, i know it's not a competition, but my mind kept slipping that way.

and...

i got my heels down in downward dog! not for long and only after i had warmed up, but they were down. i could finally push through my heels and my hands at the same time. maybe if i keep this up, i'll be able to do it consistently and not just have them touch for a couple of seconds per vinyasa.

i did it!

hot yoga

90 minutes - vinyasa 1/2

i went to the 8:30am class again this morning and remembered how warm it was friday morning. rather than wear my usual yoga pants, i chose a running skirt to keep myself cooler. just in case you were wondering, a running skirt is not shorts. no one needed to see that.

as soon as i got in the studio and took a comfortable seat, i realized my error. and that instructor worked us. we warmed up and the room warmed up. i just kept getting hotter. i forgot my towel and we did all kinds of great move which raised my legs over my head.

poor choice in apparel today. any recommendations for yoga shorts?

day 29: at the end of the day

20 minutes - nice and easy

i didn't get out of bed this morning to practice. which means that i went through my day understanding that i needed to find time this evening for myself.

well, 1 trip to the shoe store, 1 trip to the grocery store, 4 dozen iced cupcakes, 1 baked birthday cake and 2 glasses of wine later i found time to practice. i consciously decided to wait until after all of my evening activities were completed otherwise i wouldn't be able to focus on my breath and my body and the whole practice would be wasted.

tonight, i made up my own little evening practice. i held each pose for 10 breaths which allowed me to actually focus in on myself instead of getting distracted by the things to be done tomorrow. i also managed the full lotus position tonight. believe it.

now, however, i'm ready for bed. to end this 30 day challenge, i'm apparently going to bookend my practices.

day 23: standing, balancing, seated

25 minutes - same as yesterday (almost)

this morning, i chose the same pattern as yesterday, but as i went through the poses i made adjustments and changes along the way. for some reason, the full up-dog position hurts the inside of my right wrist. i modified to cobra, but i miss the satisfaction of rolling over my toes into down-dog.

the back of my legs felt tight today so i added two forward bends at the beginning to loosen myself up a bit. i did the first two bends from the primary series. as i pulled up on my toes and pushed down through my legs, i opened my shoulders, too.

but, then M walked downstairs and stepped around me. then the cat decided she wanted to be on my mat, too. i kept thinking about all the stuff i had to do today. not as focused as i would have preferred to be.

it happens.

day 8: move

30 minutes - vinyasa and warrior 2

this morning i did a simple 30 minute class which felt just right for my morning practice. while we never did the full sun salutations, the different poses followed a familiar pattern and the breath followed the movement. it felt like home instead of wondering what we would do next.

my challenge came as M came downstairs to get ready for work. our house is creaky and i can't turn up the volume because i don't want to wake the babies. but M kept walking through the living room. he wasn't distracting me on purpose and was doing the stuff that needs to happen in the morning, but i lost my focus at the end.

overall, i feel great, though. i feel balanced inside and out.

day 5: delay of game

this morning i had every intention of getting out of bed and practicing for 30 minutes. except my big kid also woke up at 5:15am. she had had an accident and after cleaning her up, i put her in the bed with me in hopes of her falling back asleep. 45 minutes later, after trying to convince her to close her eyes, i gave up and let her read books.

i could have let her stay in the bed by herself, but i would have worried about her and rushed through the practice. i'm going to make time this evening after settle down instead.

20 minutes - restorative

tonight, finally, i made space for myself to practice. N was crying after i put her down and V was settling down, too. understanding that my time may be limited i chose a short restorative class. rather than spread out in the living room like i usually do, i rolled out my mat on the kitchen floor somewhat sandwiched between the island and the walls. sounds carries in our house.

the practice itself was excellent. after a long day i turned my attention inward and opened up my hips and rolled out the knots in my lower back.

until V started yelling at the top of her lungs. and woke up the baby. i managed to finish the class before going up to calm her down.

self-realization: mornings are my only chance for a quiet practice. i'm getting up at 5am tomorrow in hopes of the pre-dawn calm.

day 4: restorative

30 minutes - restorative

today, i did an evening class in the morning. i figured after starting from nothing and practicing yoga for 4 days in a row, maybe i should slow it down for a day. except it was mostly centered around relaxing from a long day. V woke up in the middle of the class and while M agreed to practice with me, he agreed to go get her and then missed the entire middle section. V however sat with us through the last 10 minutes.

she didn't want to do it. then she did. i mostly couldn't concentrate. i stretched though.

i think my take away from today is that i enjoy practicing by myself when i don't have to worry about anyone else getting hurt or not wanting to do it or thinking it's not the right thing. while i find the camaraderie of a class reassuring, i find company in my own home distracting.